Friday, June 22, 2018

A Letter: Way Behind and Excuses

Dear Readers,

It's the beginning of summer, and in spite of my best intentions, I am not doing so well with my "get-in-shape plan" that I outlined at the beginning of the year.

Granted, I was still pregnant and highly optimistic, I guess?

My postpartum fitness journey has had a bunch of ups and downs, mostly downs.  When the baby was about 8 weeks old, I started tracking my intake again, but that didn't last very long.  I was feeling pretty overwhelmed and just wanted to eat my carbs (my sleep replacement) in peace. 

I had been doing some light workouts in the house during the day.  Luckily, this baby was pretty chill and would let me work out while she watched.  I think I managed 4-5 sessions a week at one point.  In April, I did my first run and ran a total of ONE mile that month.  This was liberating since I was still having pelvic floor weakness that was finally starting to improve at that time.  In May, I ran 12 miles in total, which is actually quite a feat considering they were roughly done in one-mile chunks.  Time and energy constraints kept me from running further.

Now it's June, and I've had a really bad month so far.  I started a 100-squat per day challenge and lasted only a week because I developed a double ear infection, which is pretty much the worst thing ever.  Having given birth recently, I'd say the pain is quite up there and comparable.  Except this time, I still had full time baby duty as well and often had to wrangle two kids while it felt like someone was kicking me in the head every five seconds.  I think I have so far managed to run once, and I haven't really been getting "other" exercise since I started kind of working again and haven't been taking the baby out for walks or anything like that.  I haven't even been walking the older kid to school since I need to drive to work now and time constraints. 

Also, I've reached a point where all these 5/6 hour broken sleep nights are starting to take their toll.  I try to nap everyday, but this hasn't helped.  Sleep is just one of those things you cannot get back.  Seemingly ever.  Before my second pregnancy, although I had been sleeping through the night for over a year after the older kid did, I rarely ever woke up a minute earlier than I had to, which is one reason why running has never quite came back into my life the way I had imagined. 

I've pretty much made zero progress since the early postpartum days when it comes to weight loss, so I still have about 10 lbs to go and probably look as terrible as I feel.  I know I should just lower my expectations, but it's hard.  I can't help but feel sorry for myself when I'm wearing the same nursing outfits everyday, feeling trapped, and even as my beloved Pokémon Go game, one of my last remaining leisure activities, introduced a social aspect, I have been able to see how far I've fallen behind in the game as of late. 

Having been through this before, I know it isn't permanent, but it is just tough for me to drudge through.  I know that the kids should be and remain my top priority, of course, but I'm still struggling here.

Fat and Tired Millennial with Mild FOMO


  1. I feel you! Hahaha,plans. I feel like work re-entry is the toughest part because they're still tiny and you basically aren't sleeping! I have none except: nurse a lot if possible, sleep as much as I can, hope I don't lose too much strength during that time, eventually find my way back to running. I have zero recollection of how I did it the last time (yay sleep deprivation - I think I did one wimpy 5k at 3 months pp and then it was 6 months before we took D stroller running?) which is why having a blog is helpful...

    1. Yes, that's why I am eternally grateful that I get to ease back into work (part time for these first few weeks). For some reason, I had hoped for a better sleep situation this time, but I'm pretty sure I am getting the exact same as last time already.

      Your goals are good! I need to have that mindset. I think you should add -- rest as much as you can... probably very ambitious.

      I also did a 5k 3 months postpartum last time, but I did way worse coming back in this time (partly due to the normal delivery method, go figure!). Now I'm just waiting for daycare to open up when she's about 6 months and hopefully I start something up again during lunch breaks. I need to keep holding expectations low, low, low... and also not fall into the comparison trap.

  2. I am not wrangling kiddos but recently I've had tons of unplanned work travel, & that compared with not really living in any one particular place, having a million time-sensitive remodel tasks to take care of, and not having really easy out-the-door running access has pretty much squelched my plans to start running, lifting, & eating like an athlete in mid-June. Like, I tried, but you only have so many spoons in the day and finally I had to admit I needed them for something else and that's okay, because this situation won't last forever. Priorities have to shift sometimes and don't always politely shift back when you plan. I say do whatever you have to do to stay sane -- running/eating better/etc. will always be there!

    1. Work travel (from my limited experience) is a huge wrench in the healthy living plans!! Especially because it's all meals with coworkers/clients and meetings at all hours of the day. But you're right... it's all temporary in the grand scheme of things!