In January of 2012, I wrote a post about "The Ukrainian" (my husband) was being upgraded.
If all goes well, another family member is getting an upgrade soon.
|Big Brother is watching you.|
Yes, I am pregnant again. This news came as a bit of a shock to some of the few we've told, who perhaps thought I was pretty much "one and done," and even myself, who considered selling off all the used baby stuff many times. I don't really plan on going "public" this time, so if you don't know and just happened to stumble upon this, now you do. ;) I have had a few complications that make me hesitant to broadcast, but things are far enough along now that regardless of how this goes, it's significant and worth blogging about.
This pregnancy is different in that I already know what to expect once the baby comes, moreso than I thought I did the first time around. For example, I KNEW sleep was going to be slim, but I did not know how much it would impact every fiber of my body. The sleep thing is actually creating the most anxiety for me right now, though it's not limited to that (for example, the birth ranks second), and I fully acknowledge that I'm going to have to face these things -- and more -- again in turn... and hopefully seek help if needed this time.
Putting that aside, I am curious how this baby will be similar or different than the child we already have. I have four siblings who defined much of my life, so I'm hoping Tuesday ultimately enjoys having one... if not now, then someday. I know I wasn't obligated to give him one, so the decision of having another really settled on a few personal factors that ultimately brought us here. I know things are going to be chaotic for the next few years. I might be outnumbered at times. The introvert in me is psyching myself up for that, though I guess at least Tuesday is older and is interactive, helpful when he wishes, and getting more independent by the day.
Second, onto vanity... I don't know what will become of my body, since I was already not the same after the first. My stomach never flattened no matter how much ab work I did, and whenever I'd get bloated, you could totally see where the weaknesses in my core lie and when I lay down, I could feel where my abs never quite came back together. I don't know if C-section or the fact that I don't spend as much time working out anymore contributed, though prior to this pregnancy, I was below my first pre-pregnancy weight and had a leaner mass overall. Finding time to work out is going to get even more challenging. At least my home gym is poppin' (I was not pregnant, nor planning to be, when this was set up or when I quit the gym).
I'm also worried about my career. After Tuesday was born, I landed the most amazing job and hope to continue on with it. It is so hard to be a working mom even with one, so I'm bracing myself here. We are planning on bringing in help... wish me luck there!!
I've spent a lot of time talking about worries and logistics, but don't get me wrong, this baby is already very much loved, and I am excited to experience the mother/baby bond again. By the way, I think it's totally okay to not be 100% excited about going through baby life again, and knowing that they grow to be cute little people puts everything into the bigger scheme of things. I am not the type of parent who'd paint motherhood into a perfect pretty picture, so there.
Anyway, I am 14 weeks along at this point (pic on right), so I'm putting this out there a bit earlier than last time. I found out super early, because I guess I recognized how it felt immediately and had two expired tests confirm. I have had a lot of the same aversions/cravings as last time (weird carb-y things, which does not jive with my blood sugar) and just random waves of nausea throughout the day. I have a lot more sensations of soreness and pain than last time, which worries me in terms of how I'll cope as I get bigger. I'm probably just slightly more tired this time, thanks to insomnia and a toddler to keep up with. But overall, the ickiness of the first trimester has been awfully persistent this time, and I keep hoping each time I feel bad will be the last time.
I've gained pretty much nothing so far, although I think much muscle has been replaced by fat. I'm not concerned since I gained about 35 lb last time and know it will catch up with me soon, especially once I feel better. I was hoping that more running would occur this pregnancy than my last, which would be easy since I barely ran at all last time after I completed Big Sur. However, after spending the early weeks fairly active, I was thrown into a semi-high-risk category and put on limited activity for several weeks. The restrictions were later removed (even though the issues are technically still there!), but getting back into things isn't going well. I'm just trying to do anything to stay active at this point, and since I'm still feeling rather blah, it's touch and go around here. I should add that so far, the baby is perfectly fine, so in spite of everything, I am grateful for that fact and will hope that things stay on course.
Speaking of courses/races, I am afraid I will most likely have to break my streak of Lunar New Year zodiac races, since the next one is right up on my due date, and I am almost certain I won't make it because I am under recurrent C-section watch, and even if not, then I'd need a pre-due date labor/delivery. While I'm bummed about this, I'm so used to not having control of stuff by now that I will just roll with it.
We don't know the sex of the baby yet. We did not opt to find out until he was born last time, but now that I feel compelled to plan more this time due to anxiety, we are going to find out. Also, I just want to have the "other" experience. Of course, we'd be happy with either.
Sorry for the long post! I'll probably add updates as we go along. I think I should at least address my blood sugar issues and how that's going.