I will try to keep my impending-marriage-related posts to a minimum, but before too much time passes, I wanted to take an informal poll of sorts.
I consider myself a fairly no-frills and even a bit non-feminine person. I was never the little or teenage girl who dreamed about her wedding day. Even though I am comfortable with computers and computer languages, I have yet to own a Kindle or tablet and touched an iPad for the first time at the store just a few days ago. I never really wore makeup until I started working in a professional setting, and for many years, my legs were blindingly white because I never wore dresses, skirts, or even shorts. Over the years, I've gotten a bit "better," but most of that came from boredom/ennui. In fact, I'm pretty darn surprised this is now even a concern to me at all.
People keep asking me a zillion questions... as expected. And given that we definitely want to tie le knot by the end of the year (!), I feel that I need to make some decisions soon. As of now, we're shooting for November. The specific "date" kind of depends on whether or not I want to actually have a wedding.
Some of my reasons for not necessarily being on board with a wedding include:
- fear of family awkwardness, feeling that I'm forcing people to attend, inter-racial/-religious strangeness
- fear of $$$ and desire to have a nice honeymoon (<-- I've never been out of the country)
- fear of people looking at me (bridal attention) because I grew up with the notion that I am fugly (any way to say that without sounding sad? because I'm completely open and careless about that)
- my general inattention to detail
- my general dislike for being the center of attention (see above)
Some have told me, "I'm going to fly down to see you sign papers at the city hall?" One (male friend) even said, "If only I could get away with that...." Others have told me that I should do what I want and not worry about anyone else since we would be footing the bill. And yet others have said that I can do what I want, but will I regret it??? Unfortunately, I don't have any foresight as to whether or not I'd regret just doing the city hall thing with anyone who feels like attending. So I wouldn't get nice sheets from Bed Bath and Beyond or any of that stuff, but that's what saved $ could buy.
I feel like such a darn hypocrite, because a couple of times, I've had people tell me they were "just" doing a civil ceremony, and I probably sounded disappointed. Even if they were planning on "doing something later," it just wasn't the same... which is why I think it's now or never.
He has told me that he doesn't care if we have a wedding or not, no matter how much I try to get "the truth" from him. As a first-born (non-spiritual/"bad" Jewish) son, I'm surprised his family has not provided input, though we will be "testing the waters" with them soon. Emphasis on "soon," because I know these things can take a long time to plan.
If we do go through with an actual wedding, it will be quite small. I know this because let's just say that a guest list has already been written. I have a friend who can take some decent photos. And I'd want my best friends to carry our chuppah. Other than that, I don't know. (I should note that we've agreed that engagement/whtie wedding dress photography is more of a priority, which we plan to splurge on a bit.)
Soo.... ladies (and gentlemen)... does anyone have any opinions, stories, or other votes on this?
I'll update again once when the whatever the event that makes me being "Mrs. Ukrainian" (hah!) official has progressed.