Saturday, July 2, 2011

Clearing out the Poison

I have been infected by a poison, although I didn't realize it for a long time.

The poison infected me when I logged onto Facebook, Twitter, or blogs.

I have been blogging for nearly 5 years, been on Twitter for about 1, and have been using Facebook for... get this... 7 years.

Lately, I would log in and see stuff like this:

"We're having a great time in Vegas!" [for the third time this month]

"Off to New York!"

"Getting over my jetlag after having a blast in Tokyo."

"Disneyland... again."

You get the point.  Hundreds of these types of posts, per week, while I stay hunched over at my computer at work in a quiet office, because everyone has gone on vacation or is "working" from home.

As a temporary (yet full-time with definitely full-time and important duties) worker, I don't get paid when I'm gone.  So the cost of going on vacation consists of the price of the trip PLUS the cost of not being at work.  It hurts.  It has been this way for as long as I have worked full-time -- more than 5 years.  Never went on a family vacation.  I don't even remember when my blank Passport is going to expire.  Why did I get one in the first place?

I'm bitter; I'm poisoned.  Obviously, I've managed to sneak away sometimes, but at my age, childless, I feel grossly behind.  How are people doing so much better than me?  Why did I endure school when there hasn't been a better life on the other side of it?

But it could be worse.  It can always be worse.  And perhaps the reason I spiral into this desperate spiral of feeling deprived is because I am constantly reminded of what I don't have.  Facebook.  Twitter.  Even blogs.

So until the end of this summer travel season, I have decided to stop logging into these sites (accounts are still there -- just won't be logging in).  As for blogging, I will continue to blog and comment on others' blogs, except the posts that trigger the poison.

I do anticipate that "The Ukrainian" and I will do a little "stay-cation" of sorts this summer, one in which we just want to explore the area.  Since we live (kind of far) apart, we don't really get to do that, and there is actually quite a life out there in his own neighborhood.  And maybe just enjoy the fact that neither he nor I need to rush home from events, movies, etc. in fear of him driving far while sleepy or me falling into the bad graces of my parents.

He also told me, the next time one of my co-workers asks me if I am going on any vacations soon (knowing but forgetting that I don't get paid like they do), I should just entertain that sort of insensitive question with an insensitive answer.  Ha ha. :)

Bottom line is, the blog won't be any different over the next few months, and I will be reachable via comments/e-mail as always.

P.S. Coincidentally, I am currently reading a book called The Four Agreements, one that has been highly recommended to me over the years and now just finally getting around to reading it.  I will be reviewing this (and the other two books I'm reading... I'll spare you the details of an academic journal I am also reading) later, but it relates to this post.  Stay tuned.


  1. I wish I got paid when I go on vacation. Sadly, I don't. My husband does tho!

  2. being a temporary worker can be very frustrating! i know your pain.

    and i love the idea of disconnecting to focus and refind the positive you have in front of you. kudos!

  3. I am having a hard time with not being able to take a vacation this year. Being unemployed for over a year really takes a toll. It really sucks!