(Who would post such a strange picture of themselves?? Obviously someone whose blog tagline is: "making fun of my run.")
I have two nicknames for it: "Owwie" and "Ughhh."
For a while... I'd say, oh, the month of March and the early days of this month, I felt like this "Owwie"/"Ughhh" version of myself most of the time. I don't know what you think, but I'm pretty sure being in this state for that long is not healthy.
This is the me that dreaded going to bed at night, even though I was exhausted to the point where sleep came really easily. I dreaded having to wake up only to go to another early AM workout, another day at work, and then rush home to do whatever chores I could squeeze in, 5-minute dinners, and dissertation work until my early bedtime so I could do it all again.
The dread was impacting all areas of my life. I didn't want to see my friends because I didn't have anything "fun" or "cool" to share, compounded by the fact that I work solo most days at work, making isolation really, really easy. And running... I just wanted to get each workout over with, to cross it off my list. I didn't strive to run well, and mostly, I didn't even care if I didn't hit my target mileage during the week.
In the early parts of this month, I made a turnaround. This was after I spent 18 hours in the span of two days working on school stuff, waking up at 5 AM on a Sunday morning so I could have some peace and quiet at home before everyone woke up. I was so miserable and complained to "The Ukrainian" that I hated my life. Why would I say such a thing? Yes, I'm a bit trapped in many ways, by my schedule, by my living situation, by not being able to see my boyfriend very often anymore, but "hate" is one of those words I try to avoid because it's so "hate"ful. Few things in life are worth hating. Period.
Since that low point, some things have changed:
- I've started seeing/calling/texting my friends again.
- I've been putting more effort into my running, etc., and feeling more satisfied from the challenge. (I'll talk more about this in another entry.)
- I've stopped panicking about my dissertation and am trying to just be glad that I have had this opportunity. It WILL get done, and at some point, I WILL be Dr. Julie (that sounds weird).
- As the Nike slogan goes, "Just do it." And no more worries.
|Rock n Roll Marathon - Las Vegas (2009)|
I guess this post is some kind of effort to reveal more of the person behind this blog. I know I am generally vague compared to most other bloggers, but I have always liked to write and self-reflect, something that I've moved away from in my blogging here. Perhaps it was because of the fear of people turning away
In other news, I have a couple of giveaways coming up in the next few weeks. Just gotta get my act together. ;)