Monday, April 11, 2011

A Bad (Running) Picture of Myself

Isn't this a fabulous picture of me running the LA Marathon

(Who would post such a strange picture of themselves??  Obviously someone whose blog tagline is: "making fun of my run.")

I have two nicknames for it: "Owwie" and "Ughhh."

For a while... I'd say, oh, the month of March and the early days of this month, I felt like this "Owwie"/"Ughhh" version of myself most of the time.  I don't know what you think, but I'm pretty sure being in this state for that long is not healthy.

This is the me that dreaded going to bed at night, even though I was exhausted to the point where sleep came really easily.  I dreaded having to wake up only to go to another early AM workout, another day at work, and then rush home to do whatever chores I could squeeze in, 5-minute dinners, and dissertation work until my early bedtime so I could do it all again.

The dread was impacting all areas of my life.  I didn't want to see my friends because I didn't have anything "fun" or "cool" to share, compounded by the fact that I work solo most days at work, making isolation really, really easy.  And running... I just wanted to get each workout over with, to cross it off my list.  I didn't strive to run well, and mostly, I didn't even care if I didn't hit my target mileage during the week.

In the early parts of this month, I made a turnaround.  This was after I spent 18 hours in the span of two days working on school stuff, waking up at 5 AM on a Sunday morning so I could have some peace and quiet at home before everyone woke up.  I was so miserable and complained to "The Ukrainian" that I hated my life.  Why would I say such a thing?  Yes, I'm a bit trapped in many ways, by my schedule, by my living situation, by not being able to see my boyfriend very often anymore, but "hate" is one of those words I try to avoid because it's so "hate"ful.  Few things in life are worth hating.  Period.

Since that low point, some things have changed:
  • I've started seeing/calling/texting my friends again.
  • I've been putting more effort into my running, etc., and feeling more satisfied from the challenge.  (I'll talk more about this in another entry.)
  • I've stopped panicking about my dissertation and am trying to just be glad that I have had this opportunity.  It WILL get done, and at some point, I WILL be Dr. Julie (that sounds weird).
  • As the Nike slogan goes, "Just do it."  And no more worries.
I have a long way to go until I reach a more content state in my current circumstances, but for now, I gotta keeping wiping that grimace off my face.

Rock n Roll Marathon - Las Vegas (2009)

I guess this post is some kind of effort to reveal more of the person behind this blog.  I know I am generally vague compared to most other bloggers, but I have always liked to write and self-reflect, something that I've moved away from in my blogging here.  Perhaps it was because of the fear of people turning away after they found out what kind of psyc... because they just want to read about running/running gear/look at pictures of food.  But there's only so often I can mention my lactose intolerance, right?  :P

In other news, I have a couple of giveaways coming up in the next few weeks.  Just gotta get my act together. ;)

9 comments:

brown eyed girl said...

You sound like me - I'm running but not loving it, working on my diss but feeling like it's going slower than molasses, and worrying! I should take a page from your book and make some changes to improve my mood!

Glenn Jones said...

I run marathons because miles 17 through 22 are so much like life is sometimes. You've gone so far, but have a hard time seeing the finish line. But, if you keep your head down and focus on the task at hand, all of a sudden you're at the finish line....

Penny said...

Know how you feel. It's all part of the journey in running. So glad you are getting you mojo back. I feel that way about blogging to. I dont think I'm a very interesting person. Plus I dont think my runs are anything to brag about compared to some awesome runners. But they are so motivating to me.

Jess said...

Everyone seems to go through phases like that, in all regards (running and life), and as long they are temporary, it's not concerning. It's just normal. The positive thing is that you're able to lift yourself out of such a funk and rediscover the the things and people that make you happy.

Abby @ Have Dental Floss, Will Travel said...

I'm sorry to hear that you've been struggling. I remember feeling that way for awhile right at the end of the dissertation process, too. It really does get better (I've also had moments of it during my first year in academia, but I'm learning that these sorts of things follow some sort of natural ebb and flow, even if I can't always predict when it'll ebb and when it'll flow).

It sounds like you're on the upswing, with running and with life. You're so so close to the end!

Wym said...

I have had trouble putting thoughts down too. I dnt want my blog to me a depress-o-session. Breathe kid. Life is good.

Laury @ The Fitness Dish said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Laury @ The Fitness Dish said...

Awww, you're still cute!!!

I am happy to hear about the person behind the blog. You are great..don't worry about what we will think of you. I know I have opened up many times and though..I can't BELIEVE I shared that. However, I found many people have embraced me and imperfections. That's what makes blogs to great to read. The person behind them!

Steel Springs said...

I'm sorry to hear that you haven't been feeling well, but it's great that things are turning around. You will be Dr. Julie!