Thursday, January 17, 2019

Rough January

It's been so long that we are already in a new year, and so far, it has been a survival game around here for various reasons, some of which I can't go into, but among them:

  • The heat went out at our house, during what is probably the coldest and rainiest month we've had in balmy Southern California in years, and we are weak and unconditioned (also need to keep the kiddos warm).
  • One kid had the flu -- I didn't know it at the time, and even urgent care didn't diagnose, but when two other kids in the class are diagnosed at the same time, it is pretty much a given
  • I've been touring elementary schools, and boy, is that a major time commitment.  The schoolsin the district are very hit-or-miss around here, so I feel the need to be informed.
  • "The Ukrainian" is working a ton, so I'm bearing the brunt of the kid duties, keeping their stuff in stock, meals made, etc.
  • It's kind of the worst of all worlds with the baby feeding right now, who is 10 months old.  So I have to pump, nurse, do formula, make table food, purees, sippy cups... so much work!
So I haven't really been working out much, somewhat due to poor sleeping around here and also because I'm feeling run down from fighting off this flu(?) and a year of no sleep.

The good news is, I hit pre-pregnancy weight late last year without really trying, so any efforts from here on out will be focused on strength and stamina.  And also, I've been eating a bit better without willing myself to, so that's all going to help me for when I do actually try to invest in my physical fitness again.

To be continued...

Friday, October 12, 2018

Nail in the Coffin (minor announcement)

This post title reminds me of a very old post that is... pretty embarrassing to come across now.  I guess a decade ago, my biggest life concerns were my hair tie and my toenails.

Now, I am absurdly sleep deprived and drowning under the obligations of work and kids... mostly kids.  Heck, it's mostly the baby, because she's in that 7-9 months range where I thought I was going to die the last time I had a baby.  Some people have babies that wake up twice or thrice in a night... and are understandably tired for that.  But lately, it has been soooo much worse than that.  I have read all the sleep resources and everything, but deep down, I know that this is just something to slog through.  Even if I haven't slept a full night for probably at least a year now and am not sure when I will get to do it again.  The words on this screen are blurred, to be honest.

Doctors, lawyers, students, etc. get a break once in a while... I, on the other hand, don't.  Kudos to mothers.  Seriously.

I've stopped following the running community.  This started sometime after my first kid -- I just couldn't relate anymore.  I'd be happy if I had the time/energy for a three-miler at my postpartum pace.  I still do short workouts the majority of the week as a way to stay sane.  Sometimes, I run a little.  I miss some aspects of it... but I really just don't have the energy right now.  I don't know how I ever had the energy ever.

When a major race comes up and I see it on TV, I feel twinges of sadness, since I was all about running and races at some point, as was my husband.  It was a lot of what we bonded over when we were dating.

Regarding my fitness goals, I'm about 4-5 lb away from my goal weight, though of course, having two kids has changed more than just my lifestyle.  I still have about 5 months until I plan on starting the weaning process, and maybe by then, I'll have energy! and willpower! to work on what I have left.  Running might happen again... who knows?  I often prefer other methods of exercise these days, ones that don't hurt my knees as much and leave me as hungry.

Onto the announcement -- it's really nothing, but I decided not to renew my domain registration.  The blog will still be here, but I was hoarding for the purposes of sales prospects, but heck, I think we are moving away from domains and such.  So some links might break here... I will try to fix them, but it's going to take a while.  Yes, I know the cost of a domain is minor, but I told myself from the beginning that I would only keep a domain name if it was advantageous for me to do so, and it no longer is.  I could be better served by spending that money on the kiddos.

Here's the original and future URL to this blog:

Hopefully I'll post more often.  I don't even have pictures of myself to append to this post.  All in time, I guess.  In the meantime, thank GOODNESS it finally feels like Fall now...

Friday, June 22, 2018

A Letter: Way Behind and Excuses

Dear Readers,

It's the beginning of summer, and in spite of my best intentions, I am not doing so well with my "get-in-shape plan" that I outlined at the beginning of the year.

Granted, I was still pregnant and highly optimistic, I guess?

My postpartum fitness journey has had a bunch of ups and downs, mostly downs.  When the baby was about 8 weeks old, I started tracking my intake again, but that didn't last very long.  I was feeling pretty overwhelmed and just wanted to eat my carbs (my sleep replacement) in peace. 

I had been doing some light workouts in the house during the day.  Luckily, this baby was pretty chill and would let me work out while she watched.  I think I managed 4-5 sessions a week at one point.  In April, I did my first run and ran a total of ONE mile that month.  This was liberating since I was still having pelvic floor weakness that was finally starting to improve at that time.  In May, I ran 12 miles in total, which is actually quite a feat considering they were roughly done in one-mile chunks.  Time and energy constraints kept me from running further.

Now it's June, and I've had a really bad month so far.  I started a 100-squat per day challenge and lasted only a week because I developed a double ear infection, which is pretty much the worst thing ever.  Having given birth recently, I'd say the pain is quite up there and comparable.  Except this time, I still had full time baby duty as well and often had to wrangle two kids while it felt like someone was kicking me in the head every five seconds.  I think I have so far managed to run once, and I haven't really been getting "other" exercise since I started kind of working again and haven't been taking the baby out for walks or anything like that.  I haven't even been walking the older kid to school since I need to drive to work now and time constraints. 

Also, I've reached a point where all these 5/6 hour broken sleep nights are starting to take their toll.  I try to nap everyday, but this hasn't helped.  Sleep is just one of those things you cannot get back.  Seemingly ever.  Before my second pregnancy, although I had been sleeping through the night for over a year after the older kid did, I rarely ever woke up a minute earlier than I had to, which is one reason why running has never quite came back into my life the way I had imagined. 

I've pretty much made zero progress since the early postpartum days when it comes to weight loss, so I still have about 10 lbs to go and probably look as terrible as I feel.  I know I should just lower my expectations, but it's hard.  I can't help but feel sorry for myself when I'm wearing the same nursing outfits everyday, feeling trapped, and even as my beloved Pokémon Go game, one of my last remaining leisure activities, introduced a social aspect, I have been able to see how far I've fallen behind in the game as of late. 

Having been through this before, I know it isn't permanent, but it is just tough for me to drudge through.  I know that the kids should be and remain my top priority, of course, but I'm still struggling here.

Fat and Tired Millennial with Mild FOMO